We’ve written often on this blog about the concerns that caregiver children have for their elderly parents, but that’s only one side of the story. Many families also have an adult child living far from home, and though the concerns of the long-distance child may be different from the one who lives down the street, they’re no less important. Here are some of the more common concerns we hear about in our office, and some suggestions for addressing them:

I worry that when I talk to my parents on the phone I’m not getting the whole truth about their health or situation. This is one of the most common concerns of long-distance children. The best thing to do is be up front with your parents. Tell them that you want—and need—to know the truth, even if they think it will worry you. If you still don’t think they’re being completely honest, enlist the help of a sibling or nearby friend or neighbor who can be your eyes and ears. You can also ask your parents to sign a waiver with their doctor giving him or her permission to share their medical details with you.

I’m afraid that my mom is losing the ability to manage her money and could end up broke. Seniors are the most common victims of financial fraud, and it’s hard to keep tabs on mom or dad if you live far away. The best way to prevent financial fraud is to talk about money with your parents early and often. It may go against the grain, but discuss your own finances with them if it will help them open up about theirs. Visit as often as you can and watch their mail for letters from promotion companies or shady looking “charities”; and put your parent’s phone number on the National Do Not Call registry (1.888.382.1222 or www.donotcall.gov)

I feel guilty that my sister (who lives in the same town as my parents) is shouldering the bulk of the burden. The sibling who lives closest does often end up being the physical caretaker of elderly parents, but that doesn’t mean those who live far away can’t help. The most common contribution from long-distance children is financial support—and that’s no small thing! Offer to pay for a housekeeper, in-home care assistant, taxi service, etc. And don’t forget to talk to your sister about what she needs. Helping your caregiver sibling is another way of helping your parents.

I love my parents; I want to do more to help than just give them money. A common complaint of seniors is loneliness and fear of being forgotten. One way to help your parent and help calm your own fears is to simply keep in touch. Make a point of calling your parent on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. Send frequent cards or e-mails. Plan a family vacation that your elderly parent can be a part of. You can help your parents with your expertise as well; try to be involved in “the big stuff” such as meetings with estate planners, financial planners, nursing staff, or geriatric care managers. And most importantly, work regular trips to visit your mom or dad into the budget. There’s really no substitute for face-to-face communication.

I think that my siblings close to mom and dad are making the wrong decisions for them, or are pressuring them to make decisions they don’t really want to make. Undue influence is a serious accusation, and if you truly think your siblings may be threatening or manipulating your parent you should seek the help of a professional. Before you take irreversible action you need to have a private conversation with your parent; ask if they are being coerced and try to determine if fear is a factor. If you still think your parent is being manipulated against their will contact an elder law attorney immediately.

I don’t want to miss out on what could be my last moments with my parent. There’s just no way around it, your parents won’t be here forever, and nobody wants to feel that there were things left unsaid. If you truly worry that your parent is facing his or her last days the best advice we can give is to go visit if at all possible, and make your visit matter. Look through old photos, talk about your memories, and say the things that need to be said. If you can’t visit in person make phone calls or send letters. Don’t save your best sentiments for the eulogy—tell your parents how important they are to you today.

Caring for an aging relative is hard work. Many of the people who serve as caregivers admit that they often feel as if they have two jobs—their day job, and the part-to-full-time job of caregiver. If you consider that in our fast-paced society time is money, then most of these caregivers are not only giving up their time, but also their potential income. Caregivers need to know that it doesn’t have to be this way; caregivers can be compensated according to mutually agreed upon terms of a Caregiver Agreement, or Personal-Care Contract.

Elder law attorneys have known about Caregiver Agreements for a long time, but a recent article in the Wall Street Journal will hopefully raise caregiver awareness of this useful contract; especially, as the article mentions, given the “still-fragile” state of the economy. A Caregiver (or Employment) Agreement “should document a caregiver’s responsibilities and hours and set a rate of pay that’s in line with local practices. Both the caregiver and care recipient should sign the contract and disclose it to the rest of the family.”

An agreement of this sort can be useful not only for the care-giver and the cared-for; it also comes in handy if you think you may need to rely on Medicaid to cover nursing home costs sometime in the near future.

“Before Medicaid will pick up the tab for nursing-home costs, it requires applicants to recoup certain payments made to relatives over the previous five years — and use the money to pay the nursing home… But if payments to relatives are made under the terms of a written employment agreement, often called a personal-care contract, the law allows it.”

But remember, “to pass muster with Medicaid, it’s important to have such a contract in place before the services are rendered.”

This is why it is extremely important to talk to an attorney who is well-versed in elder law and Caregiver Agreements before any contracts are signed or money changes hands.

In our last post we wrote about what matters most when choosing a long-term care living situation, suggesting that it’s not always the place that matters most, but the mind-set of the elderly person who will be living there, and how involved that person is in the decision-making process. However, this does not mean that the quality of each living place doesn’t matter at all. In fact, according to the Wall Street Journal great care should still be taken when selecting a long-term care living situation… especially if you’re considering a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC).

If you are considering a CCRC for yourself or an elderly loved one, you may want to read this article in the WSJ, which mentions that although more and more older Americans are drawn to the benefits offered by a Continuing Care Retirement Community, those benefits “often come at a steep price and ‘considerable risk.’”

The article goes on to mention that “So-called CCRCs—which typically offer fine dining, health clubs and on-site long-term care—have grown in popularity along with the aging of the population, particularly among the upper-middle class and affluent,” but that “the economic downturn is making it tougher for potential new residents to sell their existing homes and fill openings in new and expanded communities, which are generally regulated by state governments. As a result, low occupancy levels are challenging the industry’s financial models.”

We mention this because many of our clients are at a time in their lives when they or their elderly parents are looking into long-term care living situations, and we see how difficult it is to sort through all the choices and find a place that fits. Not only is quality of life an important factor (maybe the most important factor), but for many people the cost of the place they choose may mean the difference between leaving their children an inheritance and dying penniless.

We urge any of our readers who are in the market for long-term care living arrangements to look carefully at all their options; ask questions, do the research, and don’t be afraid to ask for help or a second opinion.

Our country may be facing a simultaneous growth and recession… unfortunately, according to journalist John Leland, the two seem to be at odds. What we are referring to is the growth of the elderly population and the recession of funds available to help this aging community pay for the care they need.

The economic downturn of the past few years has hit the elderly with a double-whammy. Many of them lost close to all of their savings when the stock market bottomed out, and now budget cuts to state-funded home-care services threaten to force many of them out of their homes and into hospitals or nursing facilities.

“’I’m not getting a cost-of-living adjustment, and now I’m not getting food,’ said Joyce Plennert, 83, who is on a waiting list for Meals on Wheels in Palatine, Ill. ‘Now I’m worried my home services will be cut. Without that, I’d be in a nursing home, if I could find one with room.’”

According to the above-mentioned NY Times article, a number of states have already made cuts to home-care services, including Alabama, Arizona, California, Colorado, Florida, Kansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Nevada, New Jersey, New York and Texas. “The situation is grim, and it’s safe to say that present trends are expected to continue,”

These budget cuts impact more than just senior citizens—they affect the professional caregivers and home aides who lose their jobs when state programs are cancelled, as well as the families of the elderly. When these seniors lose their ability to live at home it’s their families who will have to pick up the slack either by contributing to the costs of care or more often by become the caregiver themselves.

If you or a loved one is facing a loss of benefits due to budget cuts don’t be afraid to explore your options. Geriatric care managers can help families through confusing times, and other advisors such as elder lawyers, estate planners, financial planners and others can offer invaluable advice when creating your plan for the future.

The American Association for Long-Term Care Insurance recently released a report on the costs of long-term care insurance, and the results were surprising. Most people mistakenly believe that long-term care insurance is going to be expensive and difficult; but in fact, according to the report, “over one-fourth [of buyers under the age of 61] paid less than $999-per-year.” And in fact, “fewer than one in 10 (9.3%) pay $3,500 or more.”

This is great news! This means that long-term care insurance could cost you less than $100 per month! The trick is that you have to think about it early. “Age at the time of application plays an important role in determining the cost for long-term care insurance the Association study reports. While 41.5 percent of buyers under age 61 pay between $500 and $1,499-per-year, only 20.8 percent of buyers who are ages 61-to-75 pay within this range.”

This is not to imply that if you’re over the age of 75 you’re out of luck. You’re not likely to get the same great rates as someone in their 50’s, but you still may not have to pay an arm and a leg for long-term care insurance. According to the report, of applicants aged 76 and older only 28.2% end up paying an annual premium of $4,000 a year or higher. Actually, almost half of applicants in this age range still end up paying less than $2,500 a year. This may not be the attractive $500/year you could have gotten in your 50’s, but it also isn’t the thousands of dollars a month most people seem to be afraid long-term care insurance is going to cost them. In fact, it’s only a little over $200/month.

If you’ve been thinking about long-term care insurance, don’t wait any longer. This is one situation where time is not on your side; the quicker you act the better it will be.

As we age we become vulnerable. We begin to doubt our memories, our bodies are not as reliable as they used to be, and technological advances outstrip our abilities to keep up with them. With this vulnerability comes the opportunity for abuse.

Unfortunately, elder abuse is becoming more and more common, both physically and financially. Seniors are a growing class of individuals with money in savings or retirement, and there is no shortage of scam artists looking to take advantage of them financially. The truly sad fact is that most financial elder abuse is committed by someone close to the victim, a person in whom they have placed their trust. In such cases, the abuse may not be pre-meditated, but that in no way makes the abuse acceptable.

The good news is that there are ways to guard against elder abuse; and one of the best ways to guard against it is to be aware of it. June 15th is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day, and we urge our readers to participate and find out how they can learn more about this issue.

To learn more about the warning signs and risk factors, and what you can do to help prevent elder abuse, click here. If you think that someone you know may be the victim of elder abuse, either physically or financially, you can help. The National Center on Elder Abuse has a help hotline, as well as a list of warning signs, and community outreach opportunities.

When it comes to living arrangements, senior citizens have far more options available to them today than they ever have in the past: independent retirement communities, assisted independent communities, at-home assisted living, at-home nursing care, live-in nursing homes… the list can go on and on. Having all these options available is almost certain to make it easier to eventually find the right living arrangement, but it doesn’t necessarily mean the search itself will be easier. In fact, having so many options and facilities to consider can often make the search that much more confusing.

The search for the right living arrangement—either for yourself or for an aging family member—can be much easier if you know ahead of time the right questions to ask and the important things to look for. This article in U.S. News and World Report shares 9 things to look for in your search for an assisted living facility, including:

• Making sure the facility is licensed
• Ensuring the facility’s financial stability
• Getting referrals
• Making visits to assess the facility’s staff
• Asking what current residents have to say
• Considering whether it can meet not only your current but also your future needs
• Asking about payment options (including Medicaid)
• And more

Having so many different options these days means we can hope that finding the right senior living arrangement is a much more personal—and pleasurable—task than it has been in the past. Some of the best retirement communities or nursing homes have long waiting lists, so starting your search early will improve your chances of finding the place that’s right for you. But be careful, nursing home and assisted living contracts can contain surprises and should be carefully considered; or better yet, have an attorney look at the contract for you.

With the many choices now available there’s no reason not to have exactly the senior living situation you want and need.

“Too rich for most government-funded social programs and not rich enough to pay for full-time, long-term care services.”

Does this sound familiar? It is exactly the kind of financial situation most elderly find themselves in today, and one which requires many adult children who are still raising their own kids to also care for their parents. That is the situation in which Michelle Singletary, Washington Post staff writer, finds herself in today. In her W.P. article Prepare now for a future that might include caring for your elderly family, she describes the feelings of frustration, admiration, and obligation that come with caring for her elderly father-in-law.

Singletary writes movingly about the realities of caring for an aging relative, but what she seems most determined to convey is that it is never too early to start thinking about what your own parents’ future holds. “If you have even an inkling that you may become the caregiver for an aging parent or relative, start planning for it now. Ask questions about the person’s finances. Collect information from community and nonprofit organizations. Get your own finances in order because you’ll probably have to pitch in financially.”

Part of planning for your aging parent or relative is thinking about Medicaid, Long-Term Care Insurance, and the best way to save and protect your assets. Call our firm and let us help you—and help your aging parents.

What will you be doing when you’re 73? If you think you will have earned the right to have someone take care of you, think again; you may end up serving as a caregiver for someone else. A recent article in the New York Times describes a new trend in caregiving: the elderly are being cared for increasingly by the elderly. According to the article, “Professional caregivers — almost all of them women — are one of the fastest-growing segments of the American work force, and also one of the grayest.”

As odd as it may sound, the arrangement of 55-75 year olds caring for 85-100 year olds often works out beautifully. Older caregivers may not be able to do much heavy lifting, but what they are able to do is connect with their charges. Many older caregivers have already spent months or years caring for their parents or spouse, so they have an understanding of the fear, frustration and stress the families are going through. In addition, because older caregivers often share similar culture and experiences, the relationship can end up turning into a friendship, as with the case of Grace Jackson and Mary-Lou O’Neill:

“Grace Jackson, who is 101, said she never wanted a helper at home and resented Mary-Lou O’Neill, 73, when she arrived four years ago at Ms. Jackson’s daughters’ insistence. But as their relationship has grown, ‘It’s developed into a friendship,’ Ms. Jackson said, adding that friends who had younger aides were often offended by their manners or language.”

The down side to this “graying trend” in caregiving is that most of these elderly women—in spite of how they excel and make the best of their situation—become caregivers because they have to, they can’t afford to retire completely, even at the age of 70 or 75. The time to think about your own future is now. Talk to your advisors about planning for your own retirement; because although you may have everything it takes to be a wonderful caregiver in your senior years, the fact is that you may not want to.

The number of people serving as caregivers has exploded in recent years, and according to PR Newswire the number of caregivers now tops 65 million people (29% of the population of the US.) This includes people providing care for elderly adults, special needs children, young adults with disabilities, and more. These caregivers are people who offer their time, energy and financial support to ensure that their loved one—parent, child, sibling, grandparent—lives a life of joy and comfort. It is admirable and often selfless work… and it can take its toll on the caregiver.

Many caregivers are working so hard to take care of everyone around them that they forget to take care of themselves. Their health will often suffer, their financial security goes untended, and their own social interactions fall by the wayside. All of this can quickly lead to one thing: Caregiver Burnout.

Although we don’t hear much about it, Caregiver Burnout is a very real phenomenon. Described as similar to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Cargiver Burnout can cause depression, withdrawal from society, self-neglect, erratic behavior, and at its worst—suicidal tendencies.

But there are ways to combat the onset of Caregiver Burnout. HelpGuide.org provides an entire section on how to recognize and prevent Caregiver Burnout, including tips for family caregivers and a list of some of the warning signs of Caregiver burnout. And that’s not all, this article in PR Newswire offers 10 steps caregivers can take to ensure they take care of themselves financially.

If you are the caregiver in your family it is essential that you (and your fellow family members) recognize the difficulty of the work you do. Be aware of your limits, respect them, and don’t be afraid to put yourself first. Caring for yourself isn’t the selfish thing to do; it’s the smart thing to do.